If People Behaved Like Dogs
by Anonymous
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Premise: What social life would be
like if people behaved like dogs.
Opening scene:
A living room. Some of the guests have already arrived and
are racing around
the room, variously hugging, colliding, dancing around each
other, patting one
another vigorously on the shoulders and jumping up and down.
Another guest arrives at the door and rings the bell.
Everyone runs over to the door, evidently excited beyond belief,
and stands or jumps around, jostling each other while staring at
the door and yelling, "WHO'S THERE?!?! WHO'S
THERE!?!?!"
The guest on the other side of the door yells back,
"WHO'S THERE?!?!? WHO'S THERE!?!?"
Somehow, the new arrival enters and the party resumes as
before.
The camera follows several of the guests around, including:
A muscular male dressed all in black who carries a Frisbee
every-where, clutched tightly to his chest. If anyone touches
the Frisbee, he whirls abruptly around and stalks off, glaring
over his shoulder.
Another man, dressed in plaid, rather jolly, who has a
drooling problem. Every so often he shakes his head and drool
flies onto adjacent guests, who don't even notice.
A depressed-looking woman who spends the entire evening
methodically ripping a large, stuffed chair to shreds.
A small group huddled together in a corner. They are all
talking loudly and at the same time about completely unrelated
subjects.
A huge guy, with jeans jacket and tattoo, who goes up to
various people, drapes his arm over their shoulders and gives
them a giant squeeze. Whoever it is immediately hands their hors
d'oeuvre to the guy, who eats it.
A very small old lady with
frizzy hair who leaps out from behind the furniture at passersby
and speaks sharply to them. Even the huge guy is daunted.
The party Lothario who sidles up to anyone, male or female,
and tries to smooch, but often misses the other person's face.
Nobody seems to mind.
Various bits of action occur: Someone emerges from the
bathroom, and everyone rushes over and crowds in to see what's
happened.
A guest, looking out the window, suddenly gets very excited
and yells, "A CAT!!! A CAT!!! A
CAT!!!" Everyone rushes to the window and joins in,
yelling "A CAT!!! A CAT!!! A CAT!!!"
Two people-one big, one little-grab an appetizer at the same
time. They stand stock still, each holding on to it and staring
out the corner of their
eyes at each other. Suddenly, the big
one whirls around and
tries to walk off with it. The little person, however, doesn't
let go and is flung around in the first one's wake.
In the kitchen, several guests have knocked over the garbage
and are going through it. In the backyard, several people with
little spades are digging holes.
A fight breaks out in the living room between two guests,
but it's over in three seconds and the opponents hug each other
joyfully.
Several guests can be seen hiding bits of food around the
living room. They carefully scan for a likely spot, put the food
down, then pick it up again and start looking for a better
place.
One guest, with his hands full of food, simply holds onto it
and snarls at anyone
who approaches him. He keeps trying to add more food to his
pile, spilling as much as he acquires.
Dinner is served: Everyone races over to the table and there's a big to-do
while the seating arrangement is worked out. Then all the guests eat as fast as they possibly can. Every
so often, one guest simply grabs something off the plate of the
person next to him/her. Sometimes that person grabs it back. When everyone's finished, they jump up and change places to
inspect each other's plates.
After dinner, everyone takes a nap. They are sprawled around
the room, some in
little groups huddled together, some on their backs on couches
with their feet up on the arms and their hands flung over the
back, some curled up
awkwardly in overstuffed chairs with their chins propped up on
the arms. Occasionally, we see limbs twitching and hear little
contented noises.
Party games:
Tug of war
How many tennis balls can you hold.
A relay race in the back yard where the baton is never
passed off. Each member of the team simply grabs hold when his
or her turn arrives and everyone runs together.
Tug of war
Singing together around the piano, but everyone sings a different song.
Tag
Grab the tail of the donkey.
Musical chairs, where shoving is allowed and you can sit on
more than one chair. The big guy in the jeans jacket always
wins.
Good-byes:
A real dog party, of course, would never stop. So we have to
introduce another group of humans who gradually arrive to pick
up the guests. This is no easy task, as the target guest runs
off when called.
There's a lot of milling
around and loud confusion as the caretaker humans go after the
guests, sometimes grabbing them by the collar or the arm and
hauling them away while the guest looks back at the crowd,
waving joyfully.
Outside, on the sidewalk, a passerby is knocked down by a
group of departing guests.
Everyone looks very happy, and the good-byes are loud and
enthusiastic.
The End
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